Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
