Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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