So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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