Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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