i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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