Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
