The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
