Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
