fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
