My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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