I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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