rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
