I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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