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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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