Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
