i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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