his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
