please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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