my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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