Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
