no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
