She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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