wat bout pragnant strippers??
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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