I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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