I think I died a long time ago.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
