There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
