Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
