Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize