his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Shitshow foam night was such a success
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
