i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
