Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
