he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
