woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
