I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.