This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...