I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize