I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
