i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
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so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
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I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
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