3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?