Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"

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  (202): based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat" http://tfl.nu/tv5w
  Replies (21) Good night (645) Bad night (2822)
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  (415): View more from California

  I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?

  (510): View more from California

  I hope so

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  (415): I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die? (510): I hope so http://tfl.nu/tt2l
  Replies (41) Good night (2080) Bad night (5116)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.

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  (717): Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think. http://tfl.nu/f6ax
  Replies (26) Good night (5345) Bad night (1508)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.

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  (970): I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now. http://tfl.nu/y6ao
  Replies (10) Good night (2718) Bad night (955)
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  (310): View more from California

  He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

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  (310): He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna http://tfl.nu/tldl
  Replies (9) Good night (5710) Bad night (1634)
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  (650): View more from California

  Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy

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  (650): Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy http://tfl.nu/o3ew
  Replies (8) Good night (1006) Bad night (2837)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs

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  (732): I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs http://tfl.nu/vyur
  Replies (6) Good night (2218) Bad night (632)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.

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  (410): YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me. http://tfl.nu/lzgg
  Replies (4) Good night (1948) Bad night (776)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.

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  (306): Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me. http://tfl.nu/vlc7
  Replies (2) Good night (2145) Bad night (644)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.

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  (509): you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever. http://tfl.nu/fzjz
  Replies (10) Good night (728) Bad night (2252)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"

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  (905): they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about" http://tfl.nu/sw9a
  Replies (8) Good night (1587) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds

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  (201): Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds http://tfl.nu/y5n0
  Replies (15) Good night (492) Bad night (1817)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words

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  (704): She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words http://tfl.nu/kxrj
  Replies (5) Good night (803) Bad night (238)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.

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  (717): This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits. http://tfl.nu/qs9c
  Replies (1) Good night (315) Bad night (159)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.

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  (224): I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk. http://tfl.nu/qq27
  Replies (1) Good night (211) Bad night (317)

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