Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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