y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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