Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
