Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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