I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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