3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
