Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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