____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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