Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
