she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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