Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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