so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Green mimosas i think yes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
