I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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