I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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