butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
