then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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