Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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