You made me cry and you don't even care
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
