he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
