She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
