So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
