i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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