I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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