'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
2020 sucks, I want a refund
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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