booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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