so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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