I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
