3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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