Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
