im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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