In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
